her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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