so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
