either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
