Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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