I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
