from now on my penis is your penis
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
