just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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