my phone needs a breathalizer
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
