he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
