took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
