So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
