guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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