The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
