I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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