You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
