Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
