Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
