I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
