I hope mine doesn't look like that
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
