my vag is so smooth its legendary
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
