I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
