This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
