We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
