weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
