I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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