i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i barfeds in our rink
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize