i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
