apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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