Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
