Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
