Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
