i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up under a house in Key West
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