I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
