No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
