I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
