I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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