she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
