you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
