ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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