His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
