# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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