My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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