drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize