I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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