please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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