i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize