What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
