brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
