Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize