remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
