screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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