that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Randomize
