I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Terrible idea I love it
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
