Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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