So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
