at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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