Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize