I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
