I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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