He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
