you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
