Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
