my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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