Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
