Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
