This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
