hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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