My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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