I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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