I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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