I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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