When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
