but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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