If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
