He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
foreskin is a definite game changer
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
