i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
