it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
