i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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