Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
