i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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