The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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